If you’re heading to Australia, you may want to learn a few phrases.  While they certainly speak English, they do have a unique vocabulary that makes Aussie’s all the more endearing.  Personally, I’m aiming to avoid the root rats, but ratbag might be my new favorite word!

Examples of why you need the vocab – both could be seriously misconstrued!:
– Need some good oil for Oz in April? You need your jumpers and sunnies, but not your thongs.  
– For tea or brekkie, take the footpath and hold on to your ankle biter, pass the servo and go half a click.  The banana benders are heading that way so just follow them. 

The lists are long, but here were some of my favs….

Ankle biter : small child
Apples, she’ll be : It’ll be all right
Arvo : afternoon
Back of Bourke : a very long way away
Banana bender : a person from Queensland
Bathers : swim suit
Bikkie : biscuit (also “it cost big bikkies” – it was expensive)
Billy : teapot. Container for boiling water.
Bloke : man, guy
Bog in : commence eating, to attack food with enthusiasm
Boozer : a pub
Bottle shop : liquor shop
Brekkie : breakfast
Brown-eyed mullet : a turd in the sea (where you’re swimming!)
Budgie smugglers : men’s bathing costume
Butcher : small glass of beer in South Australia – From the theory that a butcher could take a quick break from his job, have a drink and be back at work
BYO : unlicensed restaurant where you have to Bring Your Own grog, also similar party or barbecue
Chokkie : chocolate
Click : kilometre – “it’s 10 clicks away”
Clucky : feeling broody or maternal
Coathanger : Sydney Harbour bridge
Cobber : friend
Coldie : a beer
Come a gutser : make a bad mistake, have an accident
Cook (noun) : One’s wife
Crack a fat : get an erection
Dag : a funny person, nerd, goof
Daks : trousers
Doovalacky : used whenever you can’t remember what something is called. Thingummyjig, whatsit.
Footy : Australian Rules football
Franger : condom
G’Day : hello!
Give it a burl : try it, have a go
Gobful, give a : to abuse, usually justifiably (“The neighbours were having a noisy party so I went and gave them a gobful”)
Going off : used of a night spot or party that is a lot of fun – “the place was really going off”
Good oil : useful information, a good idea, the truth
Good onya : good for you, well done
Goog, as full as a : drunk. “Goog” is a variation of the northern English slangword “goggie” meaning an egg.
Grog : liquor, beer (“bring your own grog, you bludger”)
Hooroo : goodbye
Kangaroos loose in the top paddock : Intellectually inadequate (“he’s got kangaroos loose in the top paddock”)
Mate : buddy, friend
No worries! : Expression of forgiveness or reassurance (No problem; forget about it; I can do it; Yes, I’ll do it)
Oldies : parents – “I’ll have to ask my oldies”
Oz : Australia!
Plate, bring a : Instruction on party or BBQ invitation to bring your own food. It doesn’t mean they’re short of crockery!
Plonk : cheap wine
Porky : Lie, untruth (pork pie = lie)
Quid, make a : earn a living – “are you making a quid?”
Ratbag : mild insult
Ripper : great, fantastic – “it was a ripper party”
Roo bar : stout bar fixed to the front of a vehicle to protect it against hitting kangaroos (also bull bar)
Root (verb and noun) : synonym for f*ck in nearly all its senses: “I feel rooted”; “this washing machine is rooted”; “(s)he’s a good root”. A very useful word in fairly polite company.
Root rat : somebody who is constantly looking for sex.
Rotten : drunk – “I went out last night and got rotten”
Seppo : an American
Servo : petrol station
Sheepshagger : A New Zealander
Sheila : a woman
Squizz (noun) : look – “take a squizz at this”
Stickybeak : nosy person
Sunnies : sunglasses
Tall poppies : successful people
Tallie : 750ml bottle of beer
Tea : supper
Thongs : flip flops
Tucker : food
Tucker-bag : food bag

While I’ve been to 27 different countries, I’ve never had the pleasure of learning to drive on the left hand side of the road.  I usually use public transport or employ a driver.  But here I am in Australia, where there is no shortage of land.  I needed to get to Phillip Island, about two hours outside of Melbourne, where I planned to spend a weekend on the rural coast.

I started driving when I was 12, am adept at using manual transmissions, so I didn’t even think twice about it…Hmmmm, mistake number one.  To start, I went to the wrong side of the car to open the door.  However, the funniest bit was my attempt to get out of the Avis car park (Aussie speak for parking garage). 

After I finally got in the right door, I settled a few minutes, checked my mirrors, moved the seat, all the normal things you do when you get into a rental car.  I was sorted out and ready to go but I hiccupped a few times trying to remember to stay on the left hand side of the tightly parked garage.  I was doing okay, though.  That is, until I met another car.  I tried to turn on my blinker and hit the windshield wipers.  Then I couldn’t get the wipers off and instead they started going faster.  About that same time I realized I was too much in the middle of the path so the other car couldn’t get around me. 

I decided I should be courteous, forget about the wipers and just get out of the way.  Unfortunately, I looked up and realized the other driver was an impossibly hot guy in an Audi laughing at me.  Completely flustered, I managed to get over enough to give way to him.  With my wipers still running on full speed, he pulled up beside me and rolled his window down.  Mortified, I rolled mine down as well.  Mr. Hot Audi said, “Hey, no worries, you’re doing great, just go slow!”  Oof – utter embarrassment.

Some other Mr. Hot Audi

All in all it turned out okay.  I made it to Phillip Island without incident and only two hours of white knuckled granny driving as proof of my challenge.

If you’re driving on the wrong side of the road for the first time, I recommend the following:

-Try to always go to the right side of the car to get in because it’s rather embarrassing if you don’t. Several times I had to pretend I meant to go to the passenger side and put my purse on the seat.
– Anytime you turn right or left, pause for another second. Make sure you’re going into the correct lane and not just following your instinct.
– While your wipers will surely get a work out since they’re on the side you’re used to using for blinkers, just try to think about it every time you need to signal.
– When unsure, I just told myself, “stay to the left, stay to the left”
– Remember the fast lanes are opposite from what you’re used to.
– Look in your mirrors, all of them.
– Do get GPS.
– Finally, and most importantly, don’t make eye contact with hot guys in Audis – especially if you’re in a Camry.